I had a dream about you last night and you were nothing like I remember you. You were so gentle and so interested. You would bend down and kiss my cheek and softly brush my loose hair behind my ear when it flew in the wind. When I looked into your eyes, you weren’t the same. You still had the same body. Same face and same hands, but you were completely different. You were a different person. The kind of person you were made me fall in love with you, and you didn’t take advantage of it this time. When I woke up from the dream, I couldn’t help but wonder if you had actually changed and if you did, if I would ever feel that way towards you again.
There is no better feeling than when your fans are singing your song with you. Leybon show 2013.
I have this person in mind. He has a particular person in mind. We have never met before. He knows that I’m strong, and with that, he takes note of my weaknesses and fights hard for me when they start to come on. He knows that I’m stubborn, but he’s stubborn too. He knows that I’m independent….. but that’s his favorite thing about me. Because he knows. And I know. Those times will come when my independence won’t be there when I fail, and that’s when he sweeps in and picks me up. Honestly, that’s my favorite part about him…. even though I won’t let on like it is. He teaches me to be dangerous. He shows me how to be bold. He challenges me to be adventurous. I was scared of heights before he came along to show me that heights are just another way of getting closer to God.
I’ve performed for a multitude of weddings. With that, I’ve also seen quite a multitude of brides. On January 18 of this year, I was running late for this particular wedding. I was running low on gas, and the traffic wasn’t helping my case much. I was wearing a black and white dress, black blazer and tennis shoes. I was not yet prepared to surrender to the discomfort of heels to add to the stress of the past hour. There was a list of about 30 songs spinning inside of my head, including some of the usuals such as “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole and “Going to the Chapel” by the Dixie Cups. It had been a while since I had performed for a first-timer (First-Timer definition: A person or persons experiencing matrimony for the first time). My usual lineup when it came to my “wedding list” consisted of 50-somethings going through the motions for what now was probably the second or third time in their lives. Just two people standing at another alter, trying their best to avoid previous traditions, from a previous lover, from some previous life, and a crowd of uncomfortable family and friends trying to justify the event of the day as a pursuit of what many would call “happiness.” After performing for so many weddings like this, my theories of “I hate marriage” and “I’m never getting married” were only growing thicker. By this point, it was just a thick unrecognizable wall around my heart that many haven’t been able to puncture through, although many have tried. However, on this particular day, this particular day of January 18th, as I rushed in a frenzy into the little house that fortressed a young wedding party, my hair all crazed and makeup unapplied, I stopped to the sight of perfection. A bride with her back turned to me, yet so beautiful and bold and so full with the promise of forever, regardless of what her world around her said was normal and un-normal. She turned to face me, and what I saw was the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. Not only such proof that there is promise for our future generations, but also such promise for an old spinster such as myself. It was that kind of promise that punctures thick walls with thin little whispers that speak of true love and forever; words that people don’t use too much these days. When did we stop believing in what Forever feels like. Maybe we’ve never felt it before. I for certain have never felt it in my young 20 years on this earth, but I can tell you that I felt a very small piece of it when I saw this bride on January 18th of this year.
Photos by Kelly Vandevender and Leah Raiffeison
Emily & Marcus | Engagement
I played for Marcus and Emily’s wedding a couple of weeks ago. I just saw the pictures today and they made me cry. I’m not really a sucker for the whole “young love’ bit, but this young couple really stole my heart and it kills me to admit it.
My brother just created a Pinterest board with the determination to start dressing more “business casual.” These are some of the looks he came up with… So far, I’m liking it…. Like, a lot.